So, I went to the ER yesterday because when I woke up, my throat was closing and I could hardly breathe.
But enough about me, there are SITE UPDATES! *cheers* Rare, I know. And we've got quite a few. First of all, in "naughty words," we have new quotes in tv/movies and in friends. They're interspersed. And, most exciting...drumroll, please...I HAVE FINALLY POSTED MORE UPDATED WRITING. In "poetic enough for you?" there is one new prose piece, three new poems, and a fairly updated dream journal. It's so exciting I could cry.
Besides that I'm tired and my throat hurts. So I'm going to bed. Oh, and itunes is cool. The end.
Hey babies. A few short things...
I really like it when it drizzles in the spring. It's very rejuvenating, and the smell in the air reminds me of Camp Greenwood. But the terrible, horrible thing about spring drizzle, and I'm totally serious, is that I always feel awful for the worms. Especially on this campus, with so many people walking around. Maybe the worst thing about this is watching the poor worms who were only half stepped on try and escape, because their ends are all bloody and squished, and their fronts just can't move fast enough. I know, I'm a sap. But I honestly feel sorry for the worms. (Heather, remember the Save the Earthworms club at Madison? I haven't changed a bit!)
In other news, my stint as Juana in Roosters is over unless something awful happens and Dalia gets sick or something. It was a good week. I think I grew a lot as an actor and I have to thank the cast, Janet, Laura, Erin, and our musicians for putting up with me and the stupid mistakes I would occasionally make. Doug Cutter, our dialect coach, is apparently a really harsh man who likes to give acting notes and isn't impressed with much (or so I've been told, I don't really know him). But he came up to me last night after the run and said, "Well I know you're just an understudy, but I wanted to give you notes anyway because I didn't want you to feel left out. But...I don't have any notes for you. I thought you were amazing. Your dialect was great and your performance is solid, and you're perfect for this role." So I'm proud of that. I just wish that my family and friends had the opportunity to see me perform.
My priorities for the weekend are homework, Wal-Mart, laundry, Ted, and C.J.'s scripts in no particular order. But assuming I have some free time, I have a whole bunch of newer writing to put on this website that I found in my journal last night. Yes, I keep a journal and no, you can't read it. But I like some of the poetry I had forgotten about and rediscovered, so if I can revise it soon enough, you'll see some site updates in the next few days.
Cheers.
In reality, I shouldn't be updating my blog right now. I should be doing homework and sleeping, so I can wake up tomorrow morning and go to U-High. But I need to write, and I figured I might as well blog. I type faster than I print anyway. And nervous breakdowns are always good to blog during, right?
So there are three things bothering me right now, none of which should be, but all of which are. In order to make this readable and not just a big blob of text, I'll number them.
1. Roosters. I HEART Roosters so much, and I'm having so much fun working on it, and I'm so glad I'm understudying. But right now, I'm living in this little fantasy world that I can't get out of, and it's making me sad. Allow me to explain...
At callbacks, Janet had mentioned that she might give any understudies one show (since we have ten), or at least a dress rehearsal. I didn't think much of it since that's of course not expected, but something in the back of my mind kept telling me I'd get a show, since even for Figaro, which only has four performances (versus our TEN), the understudies get a dress rehearsal. So I foolishly kept my hopes up. Well long story short, once I directly asked Janet a few days ago, she said no. So. No acting for me. So I went into rehearsal today excited and nervous, because Dalia (the woman I'm understudying) is gone this week, so for six rehearsals, I get to act. And that's fabulous. And I was so ready. And somewhere in the back of my mind I thought that if I could impress Janet enough, she'd change her mind and give me a show or a dress.
And I'm stupid. That's not going to happen, because one, that's totally improbable, and my life isn't a made for TV movie. And two, I totally screwed up. I mean, everyone was so nice, and there were times when I felt I was doing really well, but there were also times when I had to call line even though I KNEW those damn lines. And there were times when I would start to feel disconnected for no reason, and actively have to pull myself back in the scene. And there were times when my Latina accent began to sound like I was raised in England and/or Ireland. And that pisses me off. Because I was ready for this.
After rehearsal, Janet said I was phenomenal. And everyone was so nice to me. It's not like anyone else made me feel this way, it's just me. I was talking to my AD and said something like, "I don't try to meet other people's expectations, but it hurts me when I can't meet my own." And right now, I'm very disappointed in myself. I should have done better.
Carlo walked me to Atkin-Colby after rehearsal and listened to me bitch. He's a patient guy. I used to be intimidated by him, because he's so good, and so handsome, and everyone knows him. But really, he's a REALLY good guy. Oh, and speaking of guys...
2. GUYS. Lord, am I have guy problems. But what else is new?
Suddenly, it feels like everyone I've been interested in this year is pushing me away. All within the past, like, three weeks. Allow me to explain, shall I? And of course, I'll use code names.
Shmrian Wohl, who I've had a bit of a crush on since November, has flat out said that he wouldn't date me and he doesn't want to, at any point, "hook up" with me as he so eloquently put it.
I rarely see Shnick Mikula anymore, but I figured it wasn't a good sign when he was basically avoiding me at the party last night (which was a great party, btw, and I looked damn hot *smiles*) and only kissed me very reluctantly after I pleaded with him.
Shmike Miserendino, who I think is absolutely adorable, made it quite clear that he doesn't want to date anyone. I'm sure I'll find out that wasn't true when I'm introduced to his new girlfriend within the next couple of months. That's always how it happens.
And my shmassistant director, Shmaniel Radcliffe...well, I didn't particularly have a crush on him, but he's terribly handsome, and I was told a few weeks ago that he was looking for someone to randomly mess around with. I jumped out of my seat and volunteered. We talked a little, then I found out he was ADing me. We talk every night in rehearsal. He's a nice guy. His roommate keeps telling me to come over to their place and hang out. And then tonight, I found out that he's seeing someone now.
So. That sucks. Moving on...
3. Well I really can't go into details I guess, because people will comment and things will explode and, I don't know, the world might just blow up. So we'll say this...I hate it every time this happens. It just doesn't make me happy. (For my Leeny: "Isn't it at great at the end, when the BLANK blows up and everyone dies?" "I can't believe you ruined the ending!" "I can't believe she cracked your code!"
OK, I'm done for now. I wanted to do an update telling everyone how much fun I had at the Mardi Gras party, and I really did. I got some beads. It was exciting. I did two things I've wanted to do for a long time, although neither one really matters anyway. And I'm adding a picture, because I was told I looked hot. I'll have a better pic when I get my film developed in a few weeks. This is all there is for now.
Hello, dearies. It is now the last day of spring break, and I figured I should do an update before my life resumes its hectic and hellish nature and you never hear from me again. So here, in brief, is my spring break, starting with the last day of classes:
*Friday: No classes today, but I had to do my physics lab and a psych study. Lab was AWFUL because I ended up working with Slowy McSlowerson, who didn't seem to grasp that I needed to get somewhere. Psych study was fun, I like this one a lot (it's a memory study) and I still have two more sessions of it. Daddy picked me up, bought me lunch at McDonald's, and I went home.
*Saturday: Went to Drury Lane to see The Man Who Came to Dinner because my Pete was in it. Saw him afterwards and he gave us a backstage tour, which only made me jealous because they have a hell of a lot of room. Very nice. He's doing so well out in the acting world, and I'm very proud of him. And I'm very excited to, like, sell his autograph when he's famous in a few years. *smiles*
*Sunday: Umm...I don't remember doing anything fun.
*Monday: Went to the dentist. I have no cavities. Yay! Went to the optometrist. I thought my eyes had gotten worse, but they're exactly the same, which I think is crazy. But I got green contacts! Yay!
*Tuesday: I don't remember doing anything fun Tuesday either. Probably just cleaned and pretended to do homework or something.
*Wednesday: Had dinner with Mitch at Friday's, which was enjoyable. I haven't seen him in a long time. We talked about school, friends, and the weird couple sitting behind us that I can only guess was a blind internet date. He confessed his undying love to me and proposed, but I turned him down because I'm far too cool for him. Oh, except that whole last sentence never happened.
*Thursday: Drove Leeny to the dentist, got confused about one-way streets, and made up possible last words to Goodnight, Moon. We went to the mall and I bought a lovely sweater for $2.99 (I heart sales!). Target, Archiver's, and Kohl's, and then I dropped her off and went back home. That night, I saw the GE dance show with Jeff. Very entertaining. *smiles* Ashley was there, and we got to see Adil, and both Bethany's, and Ali Ho, and a bunch of other crazy kids. I briefly harrassed Mr. K about telling me three years ago that I didn't look Latino enough to be in a Latino show. He was happy to hear about Roosters, and briefly harrassed me about never e-mailing him any more. Fun was had by all.
*Friday: Went out with mom to a craft show, where we sampled far too many dips and made fun of ugly stuff. Met a really frightening and mean woman. Had dinner with the whole family at Cheeseburger in Paradise, which I always enjoy but my parents think is too loud for a restaurant. Drove to Naperville and visited the Simmi's, which always is a longer stay than I expect. I just meant to say hi, grab a physics book, and leave. Instead, I played a TMNT PS2 game with Danny, played catch with Emily, chatted with Joe, Diane, and Molly until she left, and briefly helped to put Emily to bed before I made my exit.
So now it's today, and basically, I've been freaking out about how I've done NO homework at all. But Liz's dad is driving me back tomorrow and we're getting there pretty early, so hopefully, I can get some stuff done then. My life now goes back to being some sort of shampoo bottle: "Class, Rehearsal, Repeat."
And to end this lovely LONG entry, a little gem from my shopping day with Charleen:
Me: "OK, here's the plan. We're going to sit in the car while I fill out this job application..."
Leeny: "SPRING BREAK 2004! WAHOO!"
Instead of wearing make-up today, I shall use this ten minutes to update with a dream analysis. I had an interesting dream last night.
It started off in a fancy restaurant. I was wearing a really pretty outfit and felt that I looked really nice. I was standing up, having a great conversation with Donnelle Fuller, and we were laughing and joking around and having a lot of fun. Mr. Kaetzer walked by but didn't see me, and I thought to myself that I'd have to talk to him when he came back. Periodically through all of this good and happy stuff, I would look down and realize that my hands were covered in honey chicken sauce. I would wipe it off, but it would always come back.
Suddenly I was walking to Roosters rehearsal, which was being held at Glenbard East. I passed my car, which was parked on Wilson by the student lot, and realized that Brian Wohl was inside on my laptop. (For those of you who don't know, I've been adoring Brian for a while now, but he's shot me down several times.) I opened the door and sat in the passenger seat and told him that he can copy my assignments, but not to change what was saved on my computer. He agreed. I got out of the car and all the way to the school door before I realized that I didn' t have my purse. I went back to the car, and suddenly decided to be bold and kiss Brian. Immediately after, I thought, "Oh my gosh, he's never going to talk to me again!" and grabbed my purse and started to leave, but he pulled me back into the car and kissed me. I was VERY happy that something had finally worked out the way I wanted it to.
So this is all pretty obvious to me, analysis wise. In the first part of the dream, I'm partaking in activities that I really enjoy (talking to friends, looking all pretty, theatre signified by Mr. Kaetzer's presence), but I still feel like I have no control and that's making me look bad (I can't make the honey sauce go away). In the second part I'm worried about school work and making it to rehearsal on time (which pretty much describes my whole life!), but when I return to a place or time in my life where I'm comfortable (symbolized by GEHS, meaning that I need to go back to a simpler time, maybe not so many credit hours), I'm happy (symbolized by Brian kissing me).
Moral of the story? Cut down on responsibilities, return to a simpler time, and regain control and happiness.
Interesting.