I hate that moment - when I run out of excuses to hate other people, and I realize that I can only hate myself.
What kind of world is this when teenagers actually have to take responsability for themselves? *flips hair, paints nails hot pink, and adjusts halter top* Wait...it's a good one. I should do it more often.
I just read Leeny's latest journal entry (you can find her site here: 20 Years) and it made me cry. I don't really know why, except that I've been a bit overemotional lately - I think that's partially because of my medication changing and partially because I've been sick lately. Both of those generally cause me to be a little nutty - hey Leeny, remember last time I changed medications and I burst in to tears because that really nice group on Family Feud lost? Heh.
But at any rate, it made me cry - partially because Leeny said she loved me, and yay for that, and partially because she loves Joe, which is just so sweet. I don't know what makes me happier, the fact that my friends are starting to love Joe, or the fact that someone besides me is starting to love Joe! I mean granted, I'm a little closer with him than is normal for a student/teacher relationship, but people have blown things way out of proportion. It seems like I can't even mention his name without getting some sort of joke thrown back at me about being in love with him and trying to steal his family or something, which seriously, isn't only TOTALLY UNTRUE, but is also just a bit uncalled for. I mean, it's one thing when people were just teasing me about "being in love with Joe" as they thought, but I'd prefer if people don't bring his family in to crap like that. They're wonderful people, the last thing I want is to have them become a part of some stupid rumor. ANYWAY, I guess it just made me happy that Charleen was speaking so highly of Joe in that journal, because now I know it's not just me. I mean, this man really is incredible, and I'm not the only one who thinks so. It's in writing.
Still nervous about tomorrow, though. Why haven't Pat, Leeny, or Joe called me? *chews fingernails*
Random updates, including new pics (just for you, Rach) in "green fairy", pictures in the acting section of "show must go on", and a few new quotes.
Today, I was genuinely afraid for the first time in quite a while. Interestingly enough, the last time I was this frightened, it concerned the same person.
I was at the Simmi's today as I often am, and Danny, Emily and I were watching Spy Kids 2. Out of nowhere, their next door neighbor ran through the side door and yelled, "Joe just fell off his ladder!" My heart literally jumped. I really don't think there are words to describe every single possible emotion that was running through me at that time. I don't remember getting up, I don't remember running to him, and I don't remember what I said to the kids or the neighbor. The next thing I knew, I was kneeling next to Joe, looking in to the face that I have looked up to for so many years and just praying that he was breathing. And miraculously, he was. With a bout of strength that I can't explain, I grabbed the open 10 foot ladder that was laying on top of him and just threw it behind me. People do amazing things when they're facing what could have been a horrible tragedy. I don't remember the kids coming outside, I don't remember his wife coming outside, and I don't remember getting up, but I remember leaning over him, having one hand on his shoulder and one hand on his face, trying not to cry and talking to him. That could only have been a few seconds, but I can remember that like it was hours. It's amazing to me that he was able to walk away from a fall like that, covered with scratches and bruises, but with no broken bones and no severe damage. To me, it's a wonder he didn't die.
I don't know if I'm more stunned by the event itself or everyone's reactions, including my own. The fact that this even happened blew me away. I've never seen anything like this. I've seen and helped people in emergency situations, but never anyone that I knew, let alone someone that I am so incredibly close to. This man means more to me than I can put in to words. He's my friend, my teacher, and my mentor. He's been with me through some incredibly hard times, and I will never be able to thank him for not only the advice he's given me, but the paths that he has consciously placed me on to better my life. He sees the best in everyone and every possible situation, and that's a skill that I've been trying very hard to improve upon in my own life. To see him in a situation where he has lost control just stunned me. It wasn't just about him falling off a ladder, and it wasn't about him being injured. Far after realizing that he's OK, I am still stricken by the look on his face when I was kneeling over him in the backyard, praying that he would be all right. I've never seen that look on him. I've never seen him in a position of helplessness. I tend to build people up and place them on pedestals, which sometimes isn't the best idea. But he deserves his pedestal for all he's done for me and for everyone else who knows him. And to have him literally fall from a position of near-godliness startled me. A lot. And no one else even seemed phased. Once his wife and kids realized he was OK, the event was over to them. Even he didn't seem nearly as upset by it as I was - his main concern was that he couldn't finish the treehouse that day. Why did this event hit me in such a different way from those who are even closer to him?
But he's OK. And thusly, I'm OK. It's just been an interesting day...and I have some people I need to stop listening to.
I have a new cell phone! It's all mine! And it's gorgeous!
Today was my last day taking Paxil - or, as I call it, the "pill that made me gain far too much weight in far too little time". So look for updates on the extreme weight loss that shall hopefully follow. Also, look for a VOICE BLOG in the future....ooooh...
Hey there, kiddies...I suppose it's about time I do a brief update on my life, eh?
Let's see here...Perhaps the most exciting event that is currently taking place is my venture into the world of ecommerce, which I can't talk too much about because I'm not trained yet. But money, and lot's of it, is fabulous.
Next to that, the most exciting thing in my life is that I bought a guitar hanger so my bass is now hanging from my wall, which frees up room in my closet greatly. *looks at closet* Wow, I have a lot of shirts.
R7 has surprised me, in that I'm quite pleased with our progress on the Christmas project. We'll see if that holds true tomorrow night - phrasing and dynamics probably aren't being practiced nearly as much as they should be.
I'm waiting for summer to officially be here so I can waste time at the pool with Danny and Emily, instead of trying to find projects to do and having 3 minutes feel like an eternity. Now that Emily's 3, it's like her favorite birthday present was the quality of whining. She just whines, she's crabby, she's bossy, and I have no patience. But then you look at her with her little blonde pigtails and you just have to smile. Plus, she "read" The Cat In The Hat to me today, which was quite an adventure. The first page turned in to "It was a rainy day. There is no sun."
If you read this and you know it, leave a comment. (Seriously, I'm just wondering how many people actually indulge in my boring life.)